Man Laws

**edwardsd** · 20th February 2008 03:45 PM

Feel free to add...

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss's car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and

eaten by his friends.

4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off

limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5:Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.

However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another

man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly

optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the

birthday boy's choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the

weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may

ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's

playing.

9: You may f@rt in front of a woman only after you have brought her to

climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of

flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's

officially your girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're

sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model

and only when it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to

kick another guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13:Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies

until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as

much as the other sports watchers.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must

remain sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of

pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking

about his choice of beer.

19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,

except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing

i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other

situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you

need.

21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer

than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.

Hang up if necessary.

22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"

have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and

guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the

discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for

her to drive yours.

24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green,

orange or sky blue.

25: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for

Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox

360 End of story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's

Gymnastics. Ever.

27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really

know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the

definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being

assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are

you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of

perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on

the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty!"