I am something of a connoisseur of junk food, and was recently inspired to write down some one-liners on the BK Angry Whopper.
Random riffs on the Angry Whopper
- They’re so good, I can’t be satisfied just eating them. Sometimes I throw a couple in my bath water.
- I like that they’re called Angry. They are cathartic. Once I put four underneath my car tires, and ran them over. Then I backed up and did it again.
- I have the Wikipedia entry for Angry Whopper bookmarked. I wrote it.
- If Mexico had known jalapeños would someday be put on an Angry Whopper, they’d have called them angerpeños.
- Does Burger King think Angry Whoppers in the Middle East is a good idea?
- I have to say Angry Whopper 11 and a half times before I leave any parking lot.
- I have a recurring dream where a very hot woman beats me with an Angry Whopper. The only downside is on waking up—I can’t get one for breakfast.
- Happy was already taken by McDonald’s kids meals. The Worried Whopper was unanimously vetoed.
- Some dude is eventually going to bring a lawsuit against Burger King because he was ready to snap, and having to say “angry” pushed him over the edge.
- If we wanted aliens to know what a burger was, we’d send an Angry Whopper out into space. With napkins for their spidery little fingers. Talk about Whopper virgins.
- True story: A few days ago, I saw a man shouting at the drive-through people. The manager called the police on the guy. Apparently the guy thought you had to get in character for an Angry Whopper.
- This year for Lent, I gave up eating other foods besides the Angry Whopper.
- There had better be Angry Whopper gift certificates in the economic stimulus bill. If we spend a trillion dollars and nobody that’s hungry gets an Angry Whopper, we’ve lost our perspective.
- Whopper: Why are you angry when you are so delicious?
- If anger were nothing more than a tasty burger, you’d have your world peace.
Finally, the origin of it. Some guy with a hangover at the last Burger King marketing meeting said, “Um, let’s put onion rings on a burger.”
Random riffs on the Angry Whopper 
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