Random riffs on the Angry Whopper

[marlow_mallow]

I am something of a connoisseur of junk food, and was recently inspired to write down some one-liners on the BK Angry Whopper.


Random riffs on the Angry Whopper

• They’re so good, I can’t be satisfied just eating them. Sometimes I throw a couple in my bath water.
• I like that they’re called Angry. They are cathartic. Once I put four underneath my car tires, and ran them over. Then I backed up and did it again.
• I have the Wikipedia entry for Angry Whopper bookmarked. I wrote it.
• If Mexico had known jalapeños would someday be put on an Angry Whopper, they’d have called them angerpeños.
• Does Burger King think Angry Whoppers in the Middle East is a good idea?
• I have to say Angry Whopper 11 and a half times before I leave any parking lot.
• I have a recurring dream where a very hot woman beats me with an Angry Whopper. The only downside is on waking up—I can’t get one for breakfast.
• Happy was already taken by McDonald’s kids meals. The Worried Whopper was unanimously vetoed.
• Some dude is eventually going to bring a lawsuit against Burger King because he was ready to snap, and having to say “angry” pushed him over the edge.
• If we wanted aliens to know what a burger was, we’d send an Angry Whopper out into space. With napkins for their spidery little fingers. Talk about Whopper virgins.
• True story: A few days ago, I saw a man shouting at the drive-through people. The manager called the police on the guy. Apparently the guy thought you had to get in character for an Angry Whopper.
• This year for Lent, I gave up eating other foods besides the Angry Whopper.
• There had better be Angry Whopper gift certificates in the economic stimulus bill. If we spend a trillion dollars and nobody that’s hungry gets an Angry Whopper, we’ve lost our perspective.
• Whopper: Why are you angry when you are so delicious?
• If anger were nothing more than a tasty burger, you’d have your world peace.

Finally, the origin of it. Some guy with a hangover at the last Burger King marketing meeting said, “Um, let’s put onion rings on a burger.”

[aoshea]

wow....just, well wow, no stupid marketing campaign could even come close to the sheer honesty nay commitment behind every word, every letter...i want a one, infact i'm going to get one, hell i'll get a few and have one in the bath, they should use this.

[nferno]

indeed im am in fact going to get one after i leave this hell hole they call work, and since i happen to be quite angry it should be a fitting snack for the ride home. thanks for the inspiration