Discuss the post 32 Worst Lyrics Of All Time made within our Music News forum; Post Snippet: First, a note on what we mean by the worst lyrics of all time. Keep ...
First, a note on what we mean by the worst lyrics of all time. Keep in mind this isn’t a constitutional friggin’ ammendment, we bent our own rules along the way.
ThePhoenix.com set out to isolate the single line, or at most a couple of lines, within a popular song that was the most horrific, the most god awful, the most offensively bad. The rest of the song’s lyrics could be worthy of Dylan (a guy who has been known to write a few bum lines every now and again). The music could’ve been Mozart (or Thom Yorke). We wanted the worst lines. And we got them.
And, before everyone starts in on us: yes, we know, it's hard to write a song, we've never written any popular songs, these people sleep with beautiful women and/or men and/or both, yadda yadda yadda. Right, we're aware. Save the keystrokes, Mr. Aiken.
THE SONG: Black Eyed Peas, "My Humps"
THE LYRIC: “My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps.”
THE VERDICT: This has got to be the least appealing description for the female anatomy every conceived.
THE SONG: LFO, “Summer Girls”
THE LYRIC: “New Kids On the Block had a bunch of hits / Chinese food makes me sick / And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer, for the summer.”
THE VERDICT: We would print out the whole song, but we threw up after they rhymed “speakin’” with “Alex P. Keaton.”
THE SONG: Chubb Rock, “ Mr. Large”
THE LYRIC: “Like Mario Puzo, I'm The Don. W-W-I'M-THE-SHIT-DOT-COM”
THE VERDICT: We keep trying to get to this website. Keep getting error messages. Oh, wait. Yeah, he only says two Ws. The last W was obviously being reserved for “what the fuck?”
THE SONG: Eminem, "Ass Like That"
THE LYRIC: “I ain’t never seen an ass like that / The way you move it, you make my peepee go DOING DOING DOING”
THE VERDICT: One 'doing' would have sufficed, no?
THE SONG: Avril Lavigne, "Sk8r Boi"
THE LYRIC: “He was a boy, she was a girl / Can I make it any more obvious.”
THE VERDICT: Ma’am, could you make it a bit more obvious? We’re not all sophisticated like y’all Degrassi-watching Canadians. By the way, it's been pointed out before, but we've never known a "Sk8tr Boi" who had anything resembling girl trouble.
THE SONG: Warrant, "Cherry Pie"
THE LYRIC: “Swingin' in the living room / Swingin' in the kitchen / Most folks don't / 'cause they're too busy bitchin' / Swingin' in there 'cause / She wanted me to feed her / So I mixed up the batter / And she licked the beater.”
THE VERDICT: The reason most people don’t swing? Because they’re too busy bitching. Makes sense to us.
THE SONG: Spice Girls, “Wannabe”
THE LYRIC: "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”
THE VERDICT: Okay, no guy is going to say no to that (as long as Gerri turns the lights off).
THE OTHER LYRIC: “Make it last forever. Friendship never ends”
THE VERDICT: Okay, girl power, we get it. Don’t really see how it has anything to do with us guys, but fine.
STILL MORE LYRIC: “If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give”
THE VERDICT: Alright, now it’s getting a little annoying. I’m fucking all four of your friends, like you told me to in the first line. What else do you want?
THE FINAL LYRIC: "Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is.”
THE VERDICT: Slam your body down and zigazig ah, indeed. And yeah, we know, 1996 called and they want their jokes back.
THE SONG: Train “Drops of Jupiter”
THE LYRIC: “Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation /The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me”
THE VERDICT: First we’re traveling in space all fine and dandy, then he starts name-dropping fads from the year 2000 as if it’s a VH1 special and he’s Hal Sparks. Soy Lattes? Tae Bo? Yes, Venus did blow our minds.
THE SONG: America, "A Horse With No Name"
THE LYRIC: "There were plants and birds and rocks and things"
THE VERDICT: What, did he get tired? Rocks and things? Try a fuckin’ cactus. Dirt? Bugs?
THE SONG: Limp Bizkit, "Break Stuff"
THE LYRIC: "It's just one of those days/When you don't wanna wake up/Everything is fucked / Everybody sucks/You don't really know why/But you wanna justify/Rippin' someone's head off"
THE VERDICT: Music is supposed to move people. This song just happened to move people to assault women and set fires at Woodstock ’99.
THE SONG: Puddle of Mudd, "Control"
THE LYRIC: "I love the way you look at me/I love the way you smack my ass/I love the dirty things you do/I have control of you"
THE VERDICT: Oh, Wesley Reid Scantlin, y ou charmer you.
A STRONG RUNNER-UP: Our readers did not think it was fly when the girls stopped by in the summer
THE SONG: Relient K, "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been"
THE LYRIC: "I watched the proverbial sunrise/coming up over the Pacific/and you might think I'm losing my mind/but I will shy away from specifics"
THE VERDICT: Not just the "duh" rhyme of "Pacific" and "specifics," but more importantly, why the proverbial sunrise? How is a sunrise proverbial?
THE SONG: Peter Cetera, "Glory of Love"
THE LYRIC:"Just like a knight in shining armor/from a long time ago"
THE VERDICT: It's fun to picture him getting the "knight in shining armor" part and then struggling with how to follow it up. "From Medieval times”? “From the 12th century?” “Fuck it: 'From a long time ago.' Yes! Cetera, you've done it again!"
THE SONG: 311, "Down"
THE LYRIC: "'Cuz we're dope and change like a chameleon / and my channel whenever that whack show Real World is on"
THE VERDICT: We put this on the list only to defend the honor of Judd Winick.
THE SONG: Bruce Springsteen, "Glory Days"
THE LYRIC: "He could throw that speed ball by you / make you look like a fool"
THE VERDICT: Bruce, we hate to bring this up, because we think you're great and everything, and it might sound a little nitpicky and all, but it's just that . . . um . . . well, a fastball is what Roger Clemens throws. A speedball is what John Belushi took to kill himself. Unless you were trying to make a prophetic comment about Doc Gooden's career, in which case you did a great job.
THE SONG: Cranberries, "Salvation"
THE LYRIC: "To all the kids with heroin eyes / don't do it"
THE VERDICT: Nancy Reagan, Irish-style. The kids always listen when you tell them not to do something.
THE SONG: Dashboard Confessional, "Screaming Infidelities"
THE LYRIC: "Your hair / it's everywhere"
THE VERDICT: We know Chris Carraba is the sentimental, romantic type and everything, and maybe our mind is in the “proverbial” gutter a little bit, but this just sounds gross.
THE SONG: Social Distortion, "Story of My Life"
THE LYRIC: "High school seemed like such a blur/I never had much interest in sports or school elections"
THE VERDICT: Mike, why didn’t you just smoke on the bleachers and play handball? High school had ended for you, like, ten years ago when you wrote this, didn't it? Might be time to move on. This one didn't get a lot of reader support (or editor support), but we’re keeping it here because Ryan doesn’t like it.
THE SONG: Donna Summers, et al "MacArthur Park"
THE LYRIC: "Someone left the cake out in the rain/I don't think I could take it, `cause it took so long to bake it/And I'll never have that recipe again, oh no!"
THE VERDICT: Oft-cited on these lists, this song is classically inscrutable. But sometimes "inscrutable" is just a polite way of saying "not very good."
THE SONG: Genesis, "Dancing with the Moonlit Knight"
THE LYRIC: "Follow on/A Round Table-talking down we go/You're the show!/Off we go with/ You play the hobbyhorse/I'll play the fool/We'll tease the bull/Ringing round & loud, loud & round"
THE VERDICT: In retrospect, we really didn't explore the world of ridiculous, over-pretentious prog lyrics quite enough.
THE SONG: Rush, "Xanadu"
THE LYRIC: "To stand within the Pleasure Dome/Decreed by Kubla Khan/To taste anew the fruits of life/The last immortal man/To find the sacred river Alph/To walk the caves of ice/Oh, I will dine on honeydew/And drink the milk of Paradise"
THE VERDICT: We know a lot of Rush fans, and we'd like to hear them defend lyrics like this with a straight face. (A write-in vote by an anonymous Phoenix staffer whose name rhymes with "Mamille Modero")
THE SONG: Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl"
THE LYRIC: "This shit is bananas / B-A-N-A-N-A-S"
THE VERDICT: We don't agree with the readers who suggested this one – we think it's fun in a "guilty pleasures" sort of way – but we're all about the voice of the people here.
RECEIVING MULTIPLE WRITE-INS: "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier"
THE SONG: The Killers, "All These Things I've Done"
THE LYRIC: "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier"
THE VERDICT: That refrain just doesn't make sense. It's even worse when he repeats it ad infinitum.
THE SONG: Crazytown, "Butterfly"
THE LYRIC: "Hey sugar momma, come and dance with me/The smartest thing you ever did was take a chance with me/So, what ever tickles your fancy/Girl it's you like Sid and Nancy"
THE VERDICT: "First, they probably wouldn't know a Sex Pistols' song if Johnny Lydon slapped them in the face. Second, these are truly the worst lyrics of all time. I win,” says reader ariesjenna.
THE SONG: Zager & Evans, "In the Year 2525"
THE LYRIC: "In the year 7510/If God's a-comin', he oughta make it by then/Maybe he'll look around himself and say/Guess it's time for the judgment day."
THE VERDICT: The song is insufferable as it is, but why change the "in the year X" formula for this line? At least stay consistent. (suggested by doxieman122)
THE SONG: Bloodrock, "DOA"
THE LYRIC: "Life is flowing out my body/Pain is flowing out with my blood/The sheets are red and moist where I'm lying/God in Heaven, teach me how to die"
THE VERDICT: Good times! (also suggested by doxieman 122)
THE SONG: R. Kelly, "Ignition (remix)"
THE LYRIC: "It's the remix to ignition/Hot and fresh out the kitchen/Mama rollin that body got every man in here wishin’/Sippin on coke and rum/I'm like so what I'm drunk/it's the freakin' weekend/Baby I'm about to have me some fun"
THE VERDICT: R. Kelly's lyrics, of course, are bad in the best way possible, like bad in a way that makes you scream at your friends in the car to bring their attention to them, which apparently really happened to our friend, the Waitress, who suggested we add this to our list: "I had been telling my friend Erin about its ridiculous lyrics for weeks. Then one fateful night I was driving her home and flipping through the stations when there it was. I almost deafened her when I screamed, ‘THIS IS IT!!!!!’ We laughed so hard listening to it."
THE SONG: Dan Hartman, "Fletch, Get Out of Town"
THE LYRIC: "Get outta town (get outta town)/Just get outta town/Go north to Alaska, east to Atlantic City, or south to Rio/Almost as far as you can go/Get outta town/Just rent a car (get outta town)/So they won't know where you are"
THE VERDICT: Why not include a possible western destination for poor Fletch? May we suggest Okinawa (depending on his point of origin)? It sings well. It’s as if Anthony Kiedis wrote this. (Suggested by cjb.)
THE SONG: Delbert McClinton, "Weatherman"
THE LYRIC: "If precipitation is drowning all your plans/just call information up, ask for the weatherman"
THE VERDICT: Harold Ramis wrote these lyrics, so we'll give ol' Delbert a pass here. Does Ramis know how much actual weathermen hate it when people ask them to "give us some sun this weekend" or things along those lines? More importantly, though, try googling the lyrics some time. What we quoted above might not even be correct, in which case, apologies to messrs. Ramis and McClinton. (Suggested by, uh, Ryan Stewart!)
THE SONG: Van Halen, "Summer Nights"
THE LYRIC: "Just hangin' 'round the local parking lot/Checkin' out the girls see what they got / Yea they love it when me and the boys/Start playin' love with them human toys/Yea we just wind 'em up and let 'em go, oh yea."
THE VERDICT: Jaw-dropping misogyny. Wow. (Suggested by ColonelTom.)
THE SONG: Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Around the World"
THE LYRIC: "I know, I know, for sure/ding ding dang ding ding ding don ding don dang"
THE VERDICT: Reader Spradlinnn' speculates on the band's mindset: "Funny cause their attitude is probably 'That's great! Just leave that, don't even try to come up with another stanza!'" The Chili Peppers are another band that are notorious for their lyrical atrocities. This is just the most obvious and reader-suggested option we could find for the moment.
THE SONG: Starship, "We Built This City"
THE LYRIC: "Someone always playing corporation games/Who cares they’re always changing corporation names/We just want to dance here someone stole the stage/They call us irresponsible write us off the page"
THE VERDICT: You fight the power, Starship, you glorious rebels you! (Suggested by music editor Matt Ashare, seconded by smellface, who, for all we know, is actually Matt Ashare.)
THE SONG: Destiny's Child, "Bills, Bills, Bills"
THE LYRIC: "Can you pay my bills?/Can you pay my telephone bills?/Can you pay my automo' bills?/Then maybe we can chill/I don't think you do/so you and me are through"
THE VERDICT: Reader Tnicholes was surprised there was no Destiny's Child among our set of nominess, so here it is. Just one year later, they'd change their tune with "Independent Women." But still . . . was that how women saw men back in 1999? Were Destiny's Child simply reflecting the zeitgeist?
THE SONG: Captain and Tennille, "Muskrat Love"
THE LYRIC: "Muskrat Susie/Muskrat Sam/Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land/And they shimmy/And Sammy's so skinny"
THE VERDICT: Another one that's mentioned in just about every one of these lyric lists. With good cause. The suggestion was made by Judy.
Honorable mention: "And go-cart Mozart was checkin' out the weather chart" from 'Blinded By The Light.' I can listen to that song when it starts, but as soon as I hear 'go-cart Mozart' I have to find a new station
I'm surprised there's nothing here from Kiss.
Gotta be the most empty, boring lyrics ever.
Don't get me wrong I liked the tunes.
But even the best ones like Beth & Detroit Rock City had something missing. They
were like unfinished poems.
And what the hell is "Strutter" Or "I....wanna rock 'n roll all night & party ever-y day..."
Talk about shallow.
Location: The bit on the end of WhiteCrow is a clue!
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When picking on Spice Girls you never pick up on "Really, really, really wanna zig-a-zig-ah".
Worst ... lyric ... ever ...
Actually the reverse challenge of this, is to try to find a GOOD Spice Girls lyric.
__________________ I had rather have a plain, russet-coated Captain, that knows what he fights for, and loves what he knows, than that which you call a Gentleman and is nothing else.
32 Worst Lyrics Of All Time 
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